Boy Meets Girl

There comes a certain age, when a man needs a woman. He is over bachelorhood and is ready to settle down and kick up his feet with a female companion.

I cannot believe I am saying this but I have reached that day.

I am so over being single and taking girls out on dates. Date after date, it seems no one is fitting the bill. My wants are simple, for I am a simple man. I want a girl who can cook, is not crazy, and can appreciate me for who I am. I don’t want to be changed or fixed because I like my clothes and my attitude. So, I start the search for the perfect woman, well perfect as a woman can be.

Where do you find quality women? A bar doesn’t seem like a good place to go. Girls at bars are drunk and desperate for male attention. I defiantly do not want to be caught dating a girl I met at a wedding, talk about drunk and desperate. I guess I will have to start my quest the old fashioned way and get set up on a date. The idea of a blind date is awkward. Boy meets girl, they talk about their jobs, where they went to school, what their favorite color is, but hey, that’s how my parents met so it can’t be all that bad.

Today, I am going to meet a woman. I am going to get up, eat a man meal of frosted flakes, and meet a woman. Today is the day.

Or maybe today isn’t the day. My boss called me in and said he wants me to do a huge project for him. It is going to take me hours and maybe even days. There is no way I can think about a woman now. I have to get down to business.

I can’t believe it. My boss wants me to date his daughter. This could be bad. What if she hates me? She could tell her dad, my boss, that I am a terrible man and I could lose my job. Oh crap, an even worse thought just occurred to me, what if I hate her? She may be so dazzled by my charm and good looks and she could be a dog with no personality. How am I supposed to tell my boss, “Sorry, your daughter is ugly and there is no way I would ever want to date her.”?  It’s not like I can tell him no. If I tell my boss no, I could lose my job. This is the time to be a man and suck it up. If she sucks, I can tell my boss that I have too much on my plate to think of dating. Besides, it can’t be that bad can it?

Oh it can be that bad. It turns out my boss’s daughter name is Emily and I was worried about her not having a personality. This girl has enough personality to fill Cowboys Stadium. She was loud, aggressive, and completely controlling. I was the perfect gentleman. I picked her up with flowers, opened the car door, and paid for dinner. The whole time, I felt like I was dating a guy in a tight black dress. It is not that she looked like a man in fact she was really pretty. She had pretty eyes and short blonde hair. Her downfall came as soon are she opened her mouth. She was so controlling and assertive with her opinions. The whole time I was looking at the clock for this date to be over. I wanted so badly to say, “Just stop and act like a lady!” Of course, if I had said that, I would have made the unemployment list.

When I walked her to the door, she thanked me for the date and then looked at me with fluttering eyelashes. I knew what she wanted and I had to get out of there. I quickly said I had to go and left her at the doorstep before she could even know what happened. As I drove away in my truck, all I could think about was packing up my desk after my boss heard about the date. I should have never agreed to the date in the first place. I don’t know why I would ever want to give up bachelorhood. Emily has shown me women aren’t what they used to be. I have given up my search. I will just tell my boss the truth: she is a nice girl but there was no chemistry. Hopefully he will understand…God, I hope he understands I don’t want to get fired!

Phew, he just called me in and said he was happy with the project he assigned me. All he said about the date was that Emily said she had a nice time but only saw a friendship there. Thank the Lord my job is still intact.

Wait a minute; she only saw the possibility of friendship? Why wouldn’t she want to date me? I paid for everything and was a total gentleman. She should have been pining for my love. Women these days, I just don’t understand why they won’t go for the total package. Of course when I refer to the total package, I am referring to myself.

            I have yet another work function tonight. Why I thought I would want another person to take care of is beyond me. The single life is a life much better to live. Maybe I’ll get a dog to cover up my loneliness. That would be way easier with much less emotional stress. I have to focus on sucking up to my boss’s wife tonight. He gave me the job to entertain her and if I want that promotion, I have to do my best ass kissing.

            I am way too good. The boss’s wife loved me and suggested that I date her daughter. When I told her I had already gone out with her daughter, Emily, she said that she didn’t know what her husband was thinking and that I need to date their other daughter, Julie. What am I to do now? I have these people who think I can fall in love with their daughters. I don’t understand why I am in such high demand with them. The worst part is, my boss’s wife is so sweet, I can’t say no. If this, “Julie”, is anything like Emily, those sisters are doomed spinsters.

            I cannot believe this. A woman has put me in my place. Julie, sweet Julie, is a precious gem to behold. I cannot believe I was set up on a date with the best girl in the entire world. Emily could not possibly have a sister so wonderful. She is a blonde and wear glasses. Not the geeky look, a smart, sophisticated look that makes me feel like I need to impress her with the things I say. She is so gentle-spirited and quiet, unlike her crazy sister. I can tell it is harder to get to know her because of her shyness but I feel like she could balance out my outgoing nature. She is the perfect height, when I walked her to the door to give her a hug goodnight, she fit perfectly in my neck. She wore the prettiest blue sweater that brought out the blue in her eyes. They are such an innocent blue. While at dinner, I could not even eat my food because I wanted to impress her so badly and I was nervous. I have not felt this way since my first crush in grade school. She is all I think about. If there was ever such thing as love at first sight I think I have found it.

            My palms are sweaty; all I have thought about all day is Julie’s gentle face. I can only think of her sweet and soft voice. I want to call her so badly but know I cannot seem over eager. When the boss called me in this morning he did not say a single thing about Julie or the date we had been on. I wonder if she liked me. She has literally been on my mind all day. I want so badly so hear her voice or hear any kind of affirmative of her feelings for me.

            Well, I think it is safe to say I am in love. A bachelor who lives life on the edge has found the “one”. When I called Julie, she sounded incredibly happy to hear it was me. She was shy and I could feel her face blushing through the phone. I have to see her again and again and maybe even everyday after that. Crazy, a devoted bachelor can be slapped into place by a quiet girl, my quiet Julie. Julie does not let me get away with things and keeps me accountable. I am glad I don’t have to tell the boss that I don’t like his daughter. My boss and I might be closer than ever as close as family. Mission has been accomplished I have found my female companion, sweet Julie. She isn’t everything I expected. She’s more.